did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
I think I sprained my soul last night
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
