So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
We left an ass print on the piano.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
