Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Are you pissed because you didn't get action, or the fact i got boned twice in public places tonight?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
