Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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