There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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