This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Randomize
