i wish peter jackson would direct porn
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
5 out of the 6 of them cut their hands while trying to shot gun the beer, I had never seen balls attached to such patheticness
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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