Went home with a guy 2 " his house". Woke up this morn on couch to parents cooking breakfast, piss all over my back and he is no where to be found. That fuckr pissed on me and bounced. His parents are gonna think some drunk bitch pissed their couch.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I put on slutty clothes under my normal clothes, im like fucking super slutwoman
Best superhero ever to exist
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
Randomize
