Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I felt kinda bad after screaming 'ITS MY BIRTHDAY TOO' while he was having a seizure in the front of the party bus.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Did you really get 12 corn dogs from the gas station last night?
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
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