but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
I dare you try and top an Eiffel tower full of Margarita
June 16th my calendar just says boobietassels....I can only assume that has to do with you
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
