It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
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