We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
Started mixing booze directly into the 2 liters and carrying them around. Mixing less often, and now kind of weightlifting,so double effecient.
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
I'm the only person I know that carries solo cups, shot glasses, ping pong balls, two decks of cards, and a lawn chair in his trunk. I'm ready to turn anything, anywhere into a party.
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
Randomize
