It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
