My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
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