it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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