Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
That's intense
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
