my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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