If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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