now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
