The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Randomize
