Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
The woman at the nail salon waxing my lip just showed me the strip with all the hair on it while smirking. Apparenltly 'you have a stache' can be communicated through a language barrier.
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
Randomize
