I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
