loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
