Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Randomize
