Remember when you weren't going to be a shit show?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Randomize