Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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