sorry we overslept. have a good day at work. p.s. thanks for making it feel like my vagina got hit by a train.
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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