shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
