I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
