I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
