I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
So, does it mean i'm loose if he can't even tell when he fell out?
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
Someone wrote "gnarballz" on my fridge in black marker. I'm pissed, but more concerned I slept with the one who did it
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
Randomize
