Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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