You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I don't know how I got here... but I think I'm in a Christian Impact meeting... I'm trying to act as straight as possible. They can sense gay.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize