id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
When you sober up and come in here, I'm in your bed because you pissed on me in mine. So fuck. Off.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
