Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
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