Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Randomize
