its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Just an fyi, teatherball while wasted might be the hardest sport ever.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
