sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
Randomize
