So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
Pretty sure I sang "What Makes You Beautiful" to some random guy in a parking lot last night...
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
Randomize
