First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
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