She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
Just stepped off the plane in St. Louis. I'm breaking out in hives, I'm allergic to Midwesterners. Can't WAIT to get the fuck out of here.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
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