I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Randomize
