Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Randomize
