she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
He;s fine. He just kept saying "hurricane Gordon is coming to shore" and flexed his muscles a lot.
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
They're pole dancing on a handicap sign post.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Drunk is not a location!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
