WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
And some old guy told me Jesus loves me and I laughed super hard and told him sinning is fun. Hahaha
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Haunted Houses: fun, lame, or love to sneak off and get fingered in the dark alley way?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Randomize