Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I wish i was in the wii world.
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Randomize
