just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
I could fuck to npr.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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