I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
