I just saw a hot homeless man
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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