whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
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