Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I will pee on everything he values.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I DEMAND FORESKIN
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