I'm sorry for the crack den comment. You have a lovely apartment.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
whatever. i fb stalked him and his pic comments are witty. so i'm going for it.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
I'm texting an actual stripper. A male stripper. I dont wanna talk about it yet
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
Randomize
