Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Is it bad to use cherry nyquil as substitute for grenadine? Because i just went there.
Nah, totally cool. It already has the alcohol in it.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
