Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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