Who keeps a bong in their car??
Kids who graduated high school two weeks ago.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
The moment I said this burrito on my nuts feels really good is the moment I knew I was drunk
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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