Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Princesses don't give blow jobs
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Can you send me the video of that girl that got arrested last night? I'm gonna try and hit that and I need something to break the ice with.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
