my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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