I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
I want to make a zoo with you.
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
Randomize
