What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Grandma was not a fan of the beer-can ornaments. Not "traditional".
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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