Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I'm honestly just now recovering from saint Patrick's day.
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
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