you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
so, I mean this in the straightest way possible, but don't you ever just feel like you owe Jon Stewart a blowjob...
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
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