It smells like Drakkar Noir and desperation out here.
That's why you should quit smoking.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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