We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
