Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
The dutch village is so much worse hungover. Fuck them and their wooden shoes.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Just got convinced to trip sit for a pack of cigarettes and a burrito. Let the games begin
He is currently tell his hat to go free. Like he has it sitting on the table just waiting for it to take off. When he's not looking I'm gonna throw it off the balcony and tell him it's flying
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
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