yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
Randomize
